Yami Bakura Meets a Jehovah's Witness
by Random Rockstar
Summary: A Jehovah's Witness has decided to visit the Bakura household. Yami Bakura opens the door. Do I need to explain the rest? [Note: a Jehovah's Witness is one of those religious people.]


**Yami**** Bakura meets a Jehovah's Witness**

***One-shot***

_(a.n. – Wahoo!__ I can actually update again! I got inspiration for this from God-only-knows where, so don't ask. It's random and it's insane. And to anyone who doesn't know, or didn't read the whole summary, a Jehovah's Witness is one of those people that go around from door-to-door and try to convert you to their religion. Or spread the word of God, as they say. They're kind of annoying. Random note: My YGO Drinking Game – if you read it, it got deleted because it broke site rules. Sorry. T-T)_

**Disclaimer:** I own NONE of it. *Cries* 

**_*Note*: _**Okay, I know that it may seem to some people that in this I don't like God or something like that, but that's not true at all. I am not anti-Christ or anything like that. Remember, this is supposed to be Bakura's thoughts. O.o;;

.~.

            Bakura was sitting on the couch in Ryou's house, aimlessly flipping through channels on the television. He never really got the point of TVs. Being that they confused him; of course he acted like he hated it.

            "Oh, screw it." Bakura said as he went to go shut off the TV, but only succeeded in changing the channel once more.

            "It's this one." Ryou said as he took the clicker from Bakura and pressed a red button near the top that made the TV shut off.

            "I knew that." Bakura scowled as Ryou sat down next to him, laughing lightly.

            "Of course you did." 

            The resounding ding-dong of the doorbell echoed through the house.

            "Ryou, go get the door."

            "Why do I have to? You're closer." 

            Bakura grumbled and eventually got up and opened the sky blue front door.

            "What the hell do you want?"

            There was a woman and a man with their children dressed in a tuxedo and a dress standing at the front door, beaming brightly.

            Bakura just stood there and blinked at them.

            "Why hello there, young mister!" The man exclaimed happily. He then stuck out his hand from Bakura to shake.  

            Bakura simply stared at his hand and replied coldly with, "I'm older than you are and what the hell do you want?" 

            "Have you said your prayers today?" The little boy chirped, sounding like he was reading off a cue card.

            "No. Nor do I intend to – good-bye." Bakura stated as he closed the door on the peoples' faces.

            He then walked back to the living room. Sitting down on the couch, he heavily signed when he heard the doorbell ring again.

            Bakura looked over at Ryou, who was reading a book. "I got the door last time – now you can." 

            Ryou put his book down slightly. "What?"

            "GO ANSWER THE RA-DAMNED DOOR!"

            "Okay, okay. No need to spaz out over it." And with that, Ryou walked to the door and opened it. 

            "That was no way to treat messengers of God!" The woman exclaimed, looking a bit miffed. 

            "I'm . . . sorry?" Ryou asked, clearly confused. Poor Ryou had no idea what Bakura had done to the people.

            "Oh! Mommy, he doesn't look the same as before!" The short, plump girl observed.

            "Heh heh," Ryou sweatdropped. "Yeah. My, uh . . . older brother . . . opened the door last time. I'm sorry if he was rude."

            "Oh. We completely understand." The tall man said. "Anyway, have you said your prayers to God and Jesus today?"

            Ryou raised an eyebrow. "You realize you're in Japan, right?"

            "Well, yes. So?"           

            "Everyone here is mainly Shinto or Buddhist."

            "That is why we must save you all and help you see the light!" The woman chipped in, smiling a lot.

            "Urm . . . hold that thought." Ryou said as he scampered back to the living room.

            "It's for you." He told Bakura as he picked up his book and started to read again.

            Bakura's eye twitched, but he went to the door all the same, thinking it was Malik or someone. He almost fell over out of annoyance when he saw the stupid people at the door still.

            "I'm going to KILL Ryou." He murmured, mainly to himself.

            "Now, now. 'Thou shalt not kill' is one of the ten commandments of God." The little boy said, and Bakura wanted to kick him.

            "That's great. I DON'T CARE!" 

            "But we must save you from your dark path before it is too late!"

            "Listen. I have my religion, and you have yours. That's all great and dandy. NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Bakura exploded, and he swore that he could hear Ryou laughing in the living room.

            "We respect that," the man began.

            "THEN *FUCK* OFF!" 

            "All four of the nicely-dressed people were appalled. The two elders covered their childrens' ears.

            "How could you use such vulgar language?!" The woman exclaimed.

            "Quite easily." Bakura replied, as he fumbled with something in his back pocket. Eventually, he got out a cigarette and lit it, causing more gasps from the bevy of people on the front landing.

            "Smoking is bad for you, mister." The little girl said. Bakura glared down at her, and with a squeak, she ran and hid behind her dad.

            The man coughed. "Let's start with introductions. I'm John," he motioned to himself, "This is my wife, Mary," he pointed to the blonde lady next to him, "And these are my two children, Monica and Luke." He finished, and looked down at his brown-haired daughter who was still hiding behind him, and his sandy headed son.

            "And who are you?" The other brat, Luke, said.

            "I'm Lucifer.[1]" Bakura replied, getting yet another gasp from the religious freaks. 'That makes the total gasp count: 3.' He thought to himself, quite amused. He took another puff of his cigarette.

            "Seriously, mister, what is your name?" Mary asked, shocked that someone would even joke around about that.

            "I was being serious." Bakura replied coldly, wanting the people to leave. 

            "Right. Well, we should all pray now, and ask God to forgive us for everything that we've done wrong." Mary said, and then folded her hands and bowed her head.

            Bakura stared at the four people who were all doing the same thing. "This God you speak of can forgive me if he wants to. I'm not going to beg him to."

            More gasps from the Christian crowd. "Well, maybe you can pray to your god-."

            "Gods."

            "Urm, gods then." John coughed again.

            "What religion are you anyway?" Monica questioned.

            "Paganism.[2]"

            "But most of those religions have died out!" Mary protested. "Christianity would most certainly be the better way."

            Bakura glared at the people. "For being so 'holy' you people are very closed-minded."

            "We're just helping you broaden your options." John said with a smile, and Bakura had the sudden urge to strangle him right then and there.

            Monica noticed the maniacal glint in the former tomb robber's eyes, because she asked, "Sir? Are you okay?"

            Bakura fixed his cold glare on her. "I'm perfectly fine. I would be better if you people WOULD LEAVE."

            "Now, mister. We are here to help you."

            "You aren't helping me with my anger management issues."

            "Then do something to relieve your anger, that will make you feel better. Praying always works for me." Mary suggested stupidly. Who the hell in their right mind would suggest that Bakura should release his anger?!

            "And who the hell do you think you are?! My thera-." Bakura stopped in mid-sentence as he got an idea. "Mm-hmm. So praying works?"

            "Always!" Mary smiled. She thought that she was actually getting through to him. 

            "Does it matter if I pray to *my* gods?"

            "Well, no, not really . . ." Mary was a bit disappointed, but at least he was growing spiritually, right? 

            "Good." Bakura smiled wickedly as a golden eye appeared on his forehead and the Sennen Ring glowed.

            Luke's eyes widened. "Mommy! Daddy! What's he doing?"

            Monica just hid behind her dad once more, and soon Luke followed suit.

            "Well, then I hope Isis and Osiris condemn you to the darkest parts of the underworld." Bakura's voice was threateningly low. And with all of that said and done, he sent the poor family to the Shadow Realm.

            He then signed happily as the Eye of Horus disappeared and the Ring stopped glowing. He then walked to the living room quite happily. "Well, I feel better now." He told a still-reading Ryou.

            "What, did they finally leave?" Ryou questioned, not bothering to raise his eyes from the book.

            "Yep. And they won't be coming back."

            "Oh? Did you scare them enough so that they'll be going to therapy for the rest of their lives?"

            "Nope. I sent them to the Shadow Realm." Bakura replied, evidentially proud of himself.

            At this point, Ryou dropped his book and stared at Bakura in horror. "You did WHAT?! Even the little kids?!"

            "They were pissing me off."

            "That's horrible!"

            "Fine. Next time YOU can deal with them."      

***

            "Hey, Ryou, did you hear about that family who disappeared last week?" Yuugi asked his friend whom he was walking home from school with.

            "No . . . what happened?" Ryou inquired, completely forgetting the past week's mishaps.

            "Oh. One of those families that go from door-to-door talking about religion disappeared last Saturday. I think they're called Jehovah's Witnesses or something like that."

            Ryou paled. "Oh – no, I didn't hear about that one." He replied quickly.

***

            After saying bye to Yuugi and turning down his street, Ryou saw a couple of people milling about. 

            "Hmm . . . wonder what's going on . . ." Ryou thought to himself.

            He saw a couple of people going from door-to-door and then realization hit him. Hard.

            "Crap!" He yelled and started running home when he noticed that one of the groups of people were going to his house, and Bakura was the only one home at the current moment.  

            His heart sank when the door to his house opened after the people had rung the doorbell.

            From his spot at the top of the hill on his street, he heard his yami's voice yell, "NOOOO!" And then a few moments later, the people on the doorstep disappeared.

            "Note to self: Tell Bakura to never answer the door." Ryou sighed to himself, and trudged the rest of the way home.

**[1] – **This is a common name used for the devil, or so I believe . . . 

**[2] – **This refers to people who do not believe in Christian, Muslim, or Jewish religions, especially those who believe in multiple gods. 

_(a.n. - *Waits for a lightning bolt to come down and kill her* Oh – maybe I didn't insult God. Okay, well, as I said before – I am not anti-Christ or anything, I'm just using all of this stuff for Bakura to be like that. ^_^;; Heh heh. Please review if you read this – flames will be used for my amusement. *Looks around room* No, I'm not a pyromaniac. *Takes out lighter and sits in the corner, completely amused.*)_


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